my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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