Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
