So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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