You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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