He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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