Having a random hookup so left but love u
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
