Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
