oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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