There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
