Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
