i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
