i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
