You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
