I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
