update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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