if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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