i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i drank out of a bidet.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
