when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
