remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
