no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
