Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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