I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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