I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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