I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
