Well douche your snatch and let's go!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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