My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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