Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
time to smoke my breakfast
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
