you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize