Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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