Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
