Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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