elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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