So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I still have a little drunk in my system
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
