Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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