Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it glows. i had to have it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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