I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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