Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize