these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
