I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
