I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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