I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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