then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize