i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
