I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
