I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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