What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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