okay pat passed out under dana's car
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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