As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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