I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
