he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We need to rekindle our bromance
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
