Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
