stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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