Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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