Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
