zippers are such a cool invention
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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