Can Purell be used as lube?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize