my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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