Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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