i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
