Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
