Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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