Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize