you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
