update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize