Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
