that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
