Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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