I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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