Sponge bath it is.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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