she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
