Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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