I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
