I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
