I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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